Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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