i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
