12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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