there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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