nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
