I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
