There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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