yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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