Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
