i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
