thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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