I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
