Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
