ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
