Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
