how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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