Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
