I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
