Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
