uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
