ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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