did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
