My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i love accidental penises.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
