is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
