So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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