hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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