We're facebook friends in real life
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
