John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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