Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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