So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
