She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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