Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
