He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As shirtless as possible
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
