When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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