You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
