there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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