Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
