you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
