____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
