i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
