my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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