That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
