i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
