Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
