i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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