I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
