I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In other news, I just burned my penis
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
