I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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