Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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