dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
