There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
