The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
