Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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