i barfeds in our rink
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
